It can’t be easy being a celebrity if you have to tell everyone who you are!

Big Brother is a reality show that appears on TV from time to time. It is basically a programme about a bunch of people who are sent to live together in the same house and they’re filmed for twenty-four hours a day. The only privacy they have is when they go to the bathroom.

They’re given various tasks and they must compete against each other. Then they get on each other’s nerves and fight amongst themselves until they are voted out of the house, one at a time by the public, until only the winner is left.

In the early years, the winners gained a certain celebrity status and ended up making a decent living for themselves as a result but I don’t know if this is still the case. The first couple of shows were entertaining but after that they became a bit repetitive and predictable and I lost interest.

Recently, I discovered that there is a Celebrity Big Brother show on our screens. As the name suggests, the contestants are celebrities as opposed to ordinary mortals. But when I looked at the names of the people taking part, I couldn’t recognise anyone.

Sarah Harding, Trisha Paytas, Amelia Lily, Jemma Lucy, Paul Danan, Jordan Davies, Helen Lederer, Sandi Bogle, Brandi Glanville, Shaun Williamson, Marissa Jade, Derek Acorah, Dawn Ward, Chad Johnson, Sam Thompson and Rosanna Davison are some of the celebrity names.

Who are these people? I read a lot and I like to keep up with what’s going on in the world but these names meant nothing to me so who has determined that these people are celebrities?

Lord Snowdon, Princess Margaret’s former husband, died recently at the age of 86. He was a famous photographer in his own right and was probably best known for his photographs of the rich and famous including Jack Nicholson, Elizabeth Taylor, David Bowie, Laurence Olivier, Marlene Dietrich and thousands more.

In his heyday, he socialised with the Beatles, Peter Sellers and many other stars of the stage and screen. His life was punctuated with affairs and stories of over indulgence in alcohol and drugs, but throughout it all he maintained a close connection with the Royal Family. This helped to enhance his own celebrity and he eventually became as well-known as those he photographed.

He was a guy who knew what a celebrity was because he was very much a part of that whole scene so he must have despaired at how much things had changed. There are many who fill our screens and newspapers now that are classed as celebrities and as far as I can tell, they’re no more famous than my broken lawnmower.

There is one family kicking up a storm in the celebrity world and that’s the Kardashians. One of them is Kim and to the best of my knowledge, she first came to the attention of Joe public because of her friendship with Paris Hilton.

Hilton was only famous because her dad owned a few hotels and she was getting attention because she had too much money and was behaving like a spoiled brat. Kardashian was her pal so she was getting noticed too.

Kim Kardashian grew up and got married and now she and her strange husband, are treated like royalty wherever they go. They have the power to bring traffic to a complete standstill when they are in town.

She dominated the headlines again recently when she announced that she is expecting her third child and she can grab the attention of nations with her pronouncements: ‘White is actually one of my favourite colours. I have a white car. I love white.’

I saw footage of Mr. West leaving his hotel and he was trying to cover his face so that he wouldn’t be recognised. As far as I’m concerned, he needn’t have bothered because if he walked up to my front door and rang the bell I wouldn’t know him.

When I think of celebrities, I think of The Kennedys, Liz Taylor and Richard Burton, Frank Sinatra, Madonna and Pele. They earned celebrity status because they were in the public eye for ever and they did something that was notable in some way. Not always for the right reasons either like the late Oliver Reed and Richard Harris.

They both had reputations for being heavy drinkers and hell raisers but they were very talented actors behind it all. People wanted to see them and wanted to be seen with them and that is a true test of celebrity status.

So, maybe social media is responsible for creating this mock fame. Anyone can take a selfie or post a video of themselves on YouTube. Add some clever marketing and it’s possible to create a high profile even if your only talent is picking your nose.

It can’t be easy trying to be a celebrity if nobody knows who you are and it’s not ideal pretending to be famous if you have to be introduced to everyone you meet. But it works for some.

So, I’m going to have a go at it. As and from today, I’m claiming celebrity status for myself. I am well known within my family circle and a few of my neighbours know me. I hang around with the rich and famous too, like Tommy Tiernan.

Well, actually, we shared a flight a few years ago and he was sitting a few rows ahead of me. I did meet Charlie Haughey though.

I’m available for public appearances for a modest fee but feel free to take photos of me whenever you see me out and about. You can approach me for an autograph or just to shake my famous hand.

Don’t take any notice when I tell you to get lost, that’s only for show.