Sleep with one eye open – even when you’re dead.

I was doing some research into grave robbing last week and I came across a strange piece written by Ailin Quinlan. She told a story about a lady by the name of Margorie McCall, who was buried in Belfast in 1705. Just a few Hours after her funeral, grave robbers exhumed her body and tried to cut off one of her fingers to steal a ring.

As they made the first cut, Margorie woke up from the coma-like state into which she had fallen. The terrified body snatchers fled, Margorie returned home, and when her grieving husband opened the door to the sight of his ‘dead’ wife clad in her grave shroud, he fainted on the spot.

Margorie lived for some years after this event and when she finally died, she was once again interred in Belfast, where to this day her gravestone bears the inscription: “Margorie McCall, Lived Once, Buried Twice.” Make of that what you will.

Body snatching in those days was common because there was money to be made from it. Anatomy schools needed bodies and were prepared to pay for them. Adult remains were sold for £2 each while children, for some strange reason, were sold by the inch.

It was such a problem throughout Europe that relatives often stood guard over a new grave for the first three days. After that, bodies were no longer considered to be fresh enough and were of little value to the robbers. Other methods of protecting graves were also used such as placing large stone slabs over them or erecting cages around them.

I thought this only happened in the middle ages, so I was surprised to learn that there are some recent cases too. It’s possible these guys still walk among us.

Stephanie Pappas, writing for Live Science, has some examples. In 1978, Charlie Chaplin, the star of the silent movies, died at the age of eighty-eight. He was a famous comedian, noted for his antics with his top hat and walking stick. He was buried in Geneva in Switzerland and rested peacefully there until thieves dug up his body and removed him from his final resting place just three months after he died.

The thieves soon contacted the family and demanded a ransom for the safe return of the corpse. His wife, however, had other ideas and she told the robbers that they could keep Charlie. As far as she was concerned, Charlie lived on in her heart and the carcass was of little use to her, so she told them to get lost.

But the police got involved and because they were anxious to catch the thieves, they asked her to play along. She agreed to help. They tapped her phone and monitored her calls waiting for the thieves to get in touch. The police also kept a watch on two hundred other public phones in the area.

Their efforts eventually paid off and two mechanics from eastern Europe took the bait. They were arrested and led the police to a temporary grave where they had been hiding Charlie. He was then returned to his original resting place and his grave was covered in concrete to prevent further interference. That was only forty years ago.

But there is an even more recent case that that. The former Cypriot president, Tassos Papadopoulos, died at the end of 2008. His body rested in peace in the Deftera village cemetery in the capital city, Nicosia, for almost a year, until the day before the first anniversary of his death in 2009.

One of Papadopoulos’ former bodyguards went to light a candle at the grave, as was his custom each morning. Instead of undisturbed grass, however, the bodyguard found an empty hole and a pile of dirt. Overnight, grave robbers shifted a heavy marble slab encasing the tomb and dug through several feet of earth to reach the corpse before covering their tracks with lime.

There had been many theories circulating about the identity of the grave robbers, and whether they may have been politically or ethnically motivated. The authorities tried to dampen speculation though and had been working on the assumption that the body snatchers were seeking a ransom.

An anonymous caller informed police that the body was buried in a cemetery in another part of the city. Family members, including Papadopoulos’s adult children, were taken to the grave amid heavy security and recovered the body.

This incident turned out to have a bizarre motive. A man imprisoned for murder asked his brother to dig up the former president’s corpse, hoping that he could negotiate to secure his release from prison. But the third accomplice, an Indian national, eventually called Papadopoulos’ family and asked for money instead. All three were sentenced to less than two years in jail apiece, as violating a grave is only a misdemeanour in Cyprus.

During the Middle Ages, the body parts of saints attracted pilgrims from all over with their supposed abilities to perform miracles. Because no town would willingly part with such an obvious cash cow, villages often hired gangs of thieves to steal relics.

One of the most famous thefts was that of St. Nicholas, the original Santa Claus. St. Nick’s remains were said to exude myrrh, making him a particularly valuable bag of bones. In 1087, the Italian town of Bari hired men to steal St. Nicholas from Myra, a town in present-day Turkey. The theft of Santa’s bones is still celebrated in Bari with an annual parade and fireworks.

In the 1820s the corpse trade developed an Irish dimension to it when Burke and Hare, two Irishmen who happened to meet each other after emigrating to Scotland, went into business together. They called themselves ‘Resurrectionists’.

Next week, I’ll tell you what they got up to.

The hidden hazards of flying.

I enjoy travelling and experiencing different countries. I don’t mind flying either, but I hate the other stuff that goes with it like booking, packing, airport security, queueing and all the rest of it but it must be done and it’s usually worth it in the end.

Airport security is one of the main hurdles. It can be challenging at times and I often wonder how effective it really is. Inspections vary from airport to airport and I get the impression that it’s all a bit hit and miss.

For instance, I’m often asked to remove my shoes by security staff, while some airports have no interest in my footwear. You’d imagine that if I could hide something in my shoe in one airport, then surely, I could do it in another. And what exactly could I hide there anyway? I have asked this question a few times, but it only seems to irritate security staff and one time in Heathrow, things got a bit heated and I thought I was going to be arrested.

It’s the same thing with my belt. Some want it off, while others don’t seem bothered. A few times, I started to take it off without being instructed, only to be told to leave it alone. I wear a belt for a reason and taking it off can create problems.

I took my lap top out of its case once, opened it and placed it in a tray as I was told. When it came out the other side of the x-ray machine, it was lying on the rollers after being tipped out of the tray. It is an expensive piece of equipment and I was annoyed. I complained to the guys on duty, but I got no satisfaction, so I won’t be opening it again.

Recently, I was travelling home through Paphos Airport in Cyprus and I took my laptop out of my bag and placed it in a separate tray. I put my watch and wallet in the same tray, but a lady barked at me and insisted that the laptop had to be on its own.

She threw up another tray, but by then, I had retrieved the offending articles and put them in the tray that had my bag in it. Then she started giving out to one of her assistants for not spotting this offence who in turn pointed out that they were no longer in the laptop tray. They had a bit of a barney and I left them at it.

I walked through the security screen but there was no sign of my bag appearing. I waited patiently until this guy appeared with it. He asked me if I had a charger in it and he made me take it out. This was a first for me and I asked him if this was a new departure, but he completely ignored me and proceeded to swab it for drugs.

Ok, so we don’t want terrorists making weapons out of chargers or hiding AK47’s in their shoes and I’m all for making life more difficult for drug smugglers too. Ultimately, it’s for our own good but I’m just not convinced that airport security is all it’s cracked up to be. Random selection isn’t completely effective, and I get the feeling that it’s just about the optics.

In the US over the past 10 years, the Government has been employing thousands of behavior-detection officers to identify possible terrorists at airport checkpoints. I’m not sure how good these people are but if European airports are using these people too, they need to review their strategy because if they are targeting the likes of me, they’re way off the mark.

A sixty-odd-year old retired police sergeant from Ireland, travelling to Cyprus, is hardly the typical profile of an ISIS recruit. I have no intention of sacrificing myself for any cause and the only threat I present is the risk of indecently exposing my privates when my pants ends up around my ankles. And that will be their own fault for taking my belt.

I don’t mind being scanned, swabbed and x-rayed if it ensures that we all have a safe flight and saves us from ending up in the middle of the ocean because of some demented creature trying to become a martyr. But does it work?

A simple drone brought London Gatwick Airport to a complete stand still last Christmas, causing huge inconvenience for over 100,000 passengers. These things present a very real, modern threat to aviation but all the resources available to the UK couldn’t find it.

But terrorists aren’t our only concern because there are other hazards lurking inside planes too.

Kate Leahy is a journalist, but she previously worked as a flight attendant with British Airways. She wrote a piece recently about her experience of hygiene at 30,000 feet and she said it doesn’t matter whether you’re travelling in business class or economy, cleanliness isn’t guaranteed.

She said a study by the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation found that headrests were riddled with staphylococcus and E coli. The seat-back pockets, which hold the safety briefing cards and in-flight magazines, are a great place to pick up coliform bacteria which is found in human faeces.

She saw passengers vomiting over tray tables, chewing their fingernails and throwing bits on the floor, wiping bogies on the arm rest and flicking them across the aisle and there wasn’t always time to do a deep clean. She also reminded us that while we take off our shoes on a flight, passengers making their way to and from the toilet can soak up a lot of mess on their socks and drag it back to their seat.

After reading that, I think airport security is the least of my problems.

Scammer Alert in Cobh!!

My Internet has been poor of late and this morning I decided to ring my provider Eir to register a complaint. By coincidence, while I was doing some work on my laptop the landline rang. It’s rarely used in my house, but I happened to answer it and it was a company claiming to by my Internet provider.

The caller told me they had been monitoring my connection and my broadband speed was very slow. This made total sense and he told me they were going to improve it for me with a software update immediately and follow that up with a hardware update that would be delivered to my home within three working days.

The caller knew my name and address and confirmed them to me. He wasn’t looking for an account number or credit card details, so I was off guard.

He told me to go to my laptop and he would give me to some codes to enter that would increase my speed. At this point I got suspicious because there should be no need for me to interfere with my computer, so I asked him a few questions. He became vague and I decided that he was a fraud and disconnected the call.

I rang Eir and told them my story and they confirmed that they have had a number of complaints about these calls and he told me how they operate.

These characters are interested in your computer. They want you to enter various codes so they can effectively monitor your online activity. So, if you’re using Internet banking, they will have access to all your details including accounts and passwords and some customers have apparently lost thousands of Euro.

Be careful because these calls are doing the rounds. They’re very convincing, so make sure you know who you’re talking to. If in doubt, hang up and call the company directly. f

Watching sport is bad for your health!

A few years ago, I was in Anfield stadium, the home of Liverpool Football Club with my son, Colin. We were there to see Liverpool playing Manchester City in the Premier League. We arrived early, and the atmosphere was building nicely.

Football grounds in the UK have changed dramatically since the sixties and seventies. They are a lot more family friendly now and the stands are all seater which eliminates over-crowding and all the pushing and shoving that went with that. It’s much more civilised and comfortable.

Before the game started, we were sitting behind the goals, watching the players warming up. They were taking shots at the goals and there were lots of footballs flying in all directions.

At one stage, I saw a ball coming towards us and it was travelling at some speed. I stuck my hand out instinctively and the ball glanced off it and went harmlessly up in the air. I got a tap on the shoulder from an elderly man sitting behind me and he thanked me. His wife had been drinking coffee and he told me the ball was heading straight for her face. They were both laughing but it could have been nasty if it struck her.

It’s something that happens at football matches. Balls can fly into the supporters at any time, so you need to be aware of it, especially if you happen to be sitting behind the goals. It happens in rugby too, but it seems that rugby supporters are a little less forgiving.

Colin Coyle reported online, that two fans have taken separate personal injury claims after being struck by rugby balls at the Aviva stadium. The cases have been taken by two female spectators, both of whom were hit, at separate games, by balls that were kicked into the crowd by players.

Both of the legal actions have been lodged against the IRFU, the body that governs rugby in Ireland and New Stadium DAC, the company that operates the stadium. These are believed to be the first cases taken by fans over injuries inflicted by a rugby ball.

I’m not familiar with the exact circumstances of these cases so maybe it’s unfair to comment on them in particular but if cases like these succeed and claimants receive compensation, then the whole face of how we enjoy sport as spectators may have to change and that will be a sad day for us all.

We attend matches to be a part of the occasion and to enjoy the spectacle. We want to be as close to the action as possible. If it becomes a thing that supporters can claim for compensation when they happen to be struck by a ball, then clubs will be forced to take action to prevent such incidents from happening again.

Imagine the implications for everyone if health and safety got even more involved in regulating supporters. For a start, every spectator would have to wear a high vis vest. Club merchandising would take a hit because they wouldn’t sell any jerseys if all the supporters were forced to wear yellow. They would all look the same.

It would be quieter too because they’d have to wear ear protectors to save them from the noisy cheering and industrial boots with steel toe caps in case someone stood on their toes while getting to their seat. Helmets, safety goggles and gloves would be compulsory as well to protect them from flying objects.

There are other measures that could also be introduced to reduce the risk of harm to vulnerable supporters. Footballs could be reduced in size and made from softer material and players could be warned not to kick the ball so hard. The IRFU could do away with penalty kicks and conversions and that would also help.

High walls could be erected around every pitch to give more protection. That would probably interfere with our enjoyment of the game, but it would be for our own good. Better to be inconvenienced than suffer a fatal injury from a slap of a ball. Thousands of spectators would be better protected thanks to a few people who made a claim for the benefit of their fellow sports fans.

The reality is though, that the compo culture in this country is gone daft and it’s about time that common sense was introduced to the legal system and ridiculous claims were kicked into touch where they belong. It’s difficult to see that happening though when the present Government, who claims it wants to crack down on spurious claims, has within its ranks, members who don’t discourage the compo culture.

The Maria Bailey case provides a good example. As a T.D. and a legislator, she surely has a responsibility to be taking a lead on this issue, instead she famously fell off a swing in a hotel and lodged a claim against that premises. She tried to justify her claim on the radio when she was interviewed by Sean O’Rourke but only succeeded in digging a hole for herself.

She subsequently dropped her personal injury case against the hotel after a backlash from the public and the media. Even her own colleagues didn’t support her, and Leo Varadkar rapped her on the knuckles as well.

The compo culture is costing us with rising insurance costs. Kevin O’Neill reported in the Irish Examiner that Cork City and County councils have paid out €15m in compensation for slips, trips, and falls since 2016 and hundreds of cases have yet to be settled.

He doesn’t tell us how many of those cases were genuine, but I suspect that some were spurious, and why not? Until bogus claimants are penalised, it’s worth their while having a go because they have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Would female priests be such a bad thing?

Earlier this year, Arts Minister Josepha Madigan was embroiled in controversy when it was reported that she said Mass one evening in her local church in Dublin, after a no-show by the priest. That was a bit of an exaggeration because she didn’t actually say Mass.

She was going to do a reading but when she discovered that there was no priest available to say the Mass, she stepped in to say some prayers. Minister Madigan also felt the need to address the issue of women priests and Archbishop Diarmaid Martin wasn’t happy with Josepha Madigan after that.

I’m not an expert in church affairs but you don’t have to be one to see that there’s not only a shortage of priests, but church attendances are also down. Sunday mornings are a lot different to what they were thirty years ago. Traffic is much quieter at mass time than it used be and footfall has reduced.

The local church was a hub of activity at Mass times and not only for religious reasons either. Large groups gathered outside the church to meet the neighbours and catch up on the events of the week. Now they get their news elsewhere and many say that they don’t find what the church has to say is relevant to them anymore.

I was at a funeral mass recently and I heard an interesting sermon. The priest saying the mass has been around for a long time and has an association with sport. He spoke about the interest that the deceased had in English football and about the team that he followed.  He knew enough about the topic that he was able to talk about it easily.

He made the sermon unique to the individual and made it very personal to the family. Sometimes these sermons can seem a little generic. “The deceased- (insert name here)-was a good man” kind of stuff but this was different. So much so that he got my attention.

He spoke about John the Baptist being in prison and having doubts about his friend, Jesus. He told how John sent messengers to Jesus to find out what was going on and he was getting messages back telling him to cop himself on and have a bit of belief in the cause and to trust him. Then he spoke about the importance of looking inside ourselves to see what we believe in and if we are happy with ourselves. It was an interesting approach.

I have attended many services and one of the things that always strikes me is how little they have changed since I was a child. The same prayers have been used in the same sequence for ever.

The priest leads the chants and the congregation responds. The prayers that I learned as a child are still being repeated automatically from memory and the only difference is that there is less Latin in use now. The decades of the rosary are still being recited in unison in a monotonous tone and maybe that’s why the young people don’t buy into it.

The youth have little or no interest in any religious activity and with the numbers entering religious order also falling, there’s clearly a problem. The various scandals that have rocked the church over the years haven’t helped either but in spite of that, there are still some good guys out there doing their best and fighting the good fight.

I was at a Christening some time ago and the whole ceremony was conducted informally. There was a 5-year-old child who wanted to be part of the occasion, so the priest made him his assistant. The young lad interrupted every now and then and tried to make up his own rules, but the priest went with it and explained to him why things were being done in a certain way. People were laughing along with them and enjoying the occasion, and it was great.

The surprising thing about these two experiences is that the priests in both cases were not young men, they were in their seventies. I don’t know if they have always been this way or whether they have adapted over the years to meet the changing times, but the Church needs characters like these to have any chance of stopping the haemorrhage of church goers.

The future is grim for the Church and celibacy seems to be another part of the problem. Maybe a happily married priest, with a home and a family and all that goes with it, would make religious life a more attractive prospect for many. So, why not go with it before the churches go the way of so many rural garda stations and become a safe refuge for mice and spiders?

Maybe Josepha Madigan has a point too and women priests could provide another possible solution for the future of the Church. Theologians offer firm opposition to women priests and argue that in a communion service, the priest represents Jesus and as Jesus was male only a man can represent Jesus adequately.

Specific Biblical teachings seem to be incompatible with women becoming priests too.  For example, it says that women should remain silent in church and in 1 Timothy, women are told that they may not have authority over a man. 

I think Timothy might have a few problems if he was around today. If he tried that line with my wife, Tim would hear some choice words that would send him off to the nearest retreat.

Those in favour of female ordination say that women are perfectly capable of doing the job as well as any man and I agree. Lots of those guys haven’t made such a great fist of it and let’s face it, they need all the help they can get.