Domestic violence is a reality for many, but there is a way out.

There was a story circulating last week about a restaurant using a sign referencing domestic violence to promote their lunchtime menu. Ribs and Bibs in Belfast, had a sandwich board outside their restaurant which read “Ya can beat the wife, but ya can’t beat a 5 pound lunch.”

Not in the best of taste but the restaurant removed the sign and apologised after a customer brought it to their attention. They said they didn’t condone abuse on men or women and the member of staff responsible had only been working with them for a couple of weeks.

Ok, so whatever about blaming the new guy, the fact remains that they realised their mistake, took it down straight away and apologised. That didn’t stop the abuse though.

The owner of the restaurant received a lot of nasty comments on social media because of the incident and that seems to be the way of things these days. Keyboard terrorists can spit out vitriol, anonymously, from the comfort of their darkened closet and get their kicks from being abusive and insulting. It’s very easy to do and there is no skill required.

Trolling snipers hide in the long grass and take pot shots at those who make mistakes and then slink back into whatever crevice they inhabit and lay in wait for their next victim.

For those of you who may be unfamiliar with the term ‘troll’ it refers to someone who makes nasty comments on social media. I came across a description of a “troll” that compared it to the mythical creature from Scandinavian folklore. The mythological troll is known to be an ugly, dirty, angry creature that lives in dark places, like caves or underneath bridges, waiting to snatch up anything that passes by for a quick meal.

That is a great way to describe the activities of the internet troll who hides behind his computer screen and actively goes out of his way to cause trouble on the Internet. Like the mythological creature, the Internet troll is angry and disruptive, often for no real reason at all.

Social media can be great fun. I’m no expert on modern technology but I am familiar with Facebook, Twitter and Linkedin. I enjoy clever, informative or humorous posts and it can be enjoyable and entertaining most of the time.
The down side is that any moron with a single active brain cell can access the Internet and poison the ether with nonsense and so we have little choice but to take the rough with the smooth.

I wrote an article online last year and one guy responded with an insulting comment. Another guy told him that his comment didn’t make sense and asked him if he had even read the article. His reply says a lot about the mentality of these electronic assassins. He said that he never reads the articles, he just makes his mind up from reading the headlines.

So, this guy was attacking the article from a position of complete ignorance and even admitted that he had no idea what he was talking about. This is one of the reasons we shouldn’t be taking these people seriously. They’re a joke.

Domestic violence however, is not a joke and I imagine the restaurant is aware of that and didn’t mean to cause offence. There are many women who are subjected to abuse on a regular basis and I dealt with many of them in my previous life.
Calling the police is usually the last resort for the victim and it signifies that the situation has reached crisis point in the relationship. It takes a lot of courage for a woman to take that first step.

It means that she will finally have to tell a story that she has probably been keeping secret for a long time, even from other family members. She has to overcome the fear of potential reprisal from her partner when he finds out what she has done. It is a huge step to take and it is a difficult journey to make but the upside is that life gets does get better.

I knew women who were afraid to leave the house to have a cup of coffee with a friend in case their partner found out. They rarely left the house unaccompanied and when they did they just went to the shop to get a few things and rushed straight back home again for fear of annoying him and triggering an abusive episode. It’s difficult for people in a normal relationship to grasp the kind of life that those in abusive situations have to endure.

It’s not only women that suffer in bad relationships either. A considerable number of victims of domestic violence are men, contradicting the widespread impression that it is only women who are left battered and bruised. Male victims have some strange tales to tell of what they suffer.

One long-distance lorry driver told of how when he arrived home from a trip his wife wouldn’t let him sleep. She wanted him to be so tired going back to work that he would crash his truck.

Nobody should have to suffer the indignity of having their lives controlled by somebody else. Nobody should have to endure a life of violence and misery at the hands of a partner who is a domineering control freak, using secrecy and fear to maintain a stranglehold on the family.

Secrecy is the biggest weapon an abuser or a bully has in his armoury. Once the secret is out, the power of the abuser is diminished. Anybody who finds themselves in this situation should speak to someone and take away the power so they can start to reclaim their lives.

Easier said than done, I know, but there is help out there.