Child rearing isn’t easy and some kids have it tougher than others

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Justine McCarthy told a disturbing story in the Sunday Time recently that would make you wonder about how some people are reared.

In the last week of January, a woman waited in her local post office to buy stamps for thank you letters she had written to the priest and the undertaker who had conducted her husband’s funeral the previous Saturday. On noticing that a customer queuing, too closely, behind her had his face uncovered, she said to him: “I think you’ve forgotten to put on your mask.”

His belligerence was instant. “What? I can’t hear what you’re saying with that thing on your face,” he said, aggressively whipping the hood of his sweatshirt from his head. “Is it the ‘deadly virus’ you’re talking about?”

“My husband died with Covid-19 last week,” the woman said.

“I’m sure he did, you f***ing curly-haired bitch,” he replied.

The woman crumpled. For a moment, she struggled to compose herself. The postmaster invited her into his office. Another man offered to buy her a cup of coffee. She declined, saying again and again: “I can’t believe somebody could be so cruel.” Then, holding on to the counter for support, she left the post office, her face mask drenched with tears.

That poor woman isn’t the only one who finds it difficult to believe that someone could be so cruel. Whatever is going on in his life doesn’t excuse that behaviour and nothing can be said to justify it. Some of that is down to the way he was brought up, but I also think that some people are just badly wired.

You can get a faulty computer, a faulty toaster and sometimes you can even get a car that continually develops faults with no explanation other than it’s just one of those that came off the conveyer belt the wrong way. There are faulty humans too.

Comments from a few protesters at the recent Anti-Lockdown gathering in Cork made it clear that the mindset of some of these people are out of kilter. Their opinions might make complete sense to them in their own head space but the vast majority of us see the nonsense for what it is. Good luck trying to have a sensible conversation with someone who genuinely believes that babies are being killed for a serum to keep RTE presenters looking young.

While they might raise their voices from time to time, wave placards and chant ‘Fake news’ like Trump supporters, they are generally harmless. Unlike the guy in Justine McCarthy’s piece who is in a different league altogether and I can’t help wondering what he was like as a child.

W.C. Fields, the comedian wasn’t a big fan of children. According to him, ‘Children should neither be seen nor heard from – ever again.’ He also said, ’Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.’ That’s a bit harsh but I suspect there are parents might agree with him at times, especially during this pandemic with everyone cooped up together.

Parenting is tough enough at the best of times and no matter how good your kids are, they will get on your nerves occasionally. They will cause you some stress too and the bad news is, that it never stops. You begin worrying about them the day they’re born and that continues forever. It doesn’t end when they leave home either because as soon as grandchildren arrive, the next generation of worry begins.

Not every child gets a good start in life. They don’t always get the proper care or the lucky breaks. Many of them are born into difficult circumstance where the prospects of staying on the straight and narrow are slim. Some are groomed at a young age for a life of crime and while that’s tough and unfair, and shouldn’t happen, it’s nothing new either.

Charles Dickens wrote Oliver Twist in the 1830’s, about a boy who ran away to London where he came across a character called Fagin, a career criminal, who trained him to pick pockets and soon Oliver was out on the streets working for him as a member of a gang and into a life of crime. Maybe Dickins was inspired by what was going on around him at the time.

You might also think that those days are long gone and something like that could never happen in today’s world, but you would be wrong. Even though Oliver Twist was written nearly two hundred years ago, it is still relevant today. Children are being used by criminals and have been for some time.

Back in the nineties, a well-known criminal family on Cork’s northside was using children as young as ten and eleven as drug runners. A car would pull up at a certain spot and a child would deliver the drugs to the car and return home with the money. That was thirty years ago, and it wasn’t only going on in Cork.

There was a study carried out in the University of Limerick which looked at how adults use children in the world of crime. They found that children as young as eight were being groomed by their parents and about 1,000 children across the state were estimated to be engaged with, or at risk of engaging with, a criminal network.

Raising children isn’t easy. There are lots of pitfalls and no guarantees of a good outcome no matter how much effort you put into it. There is a bit of luck involved too so put your hand behind you and give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done if yours have turned out OK. Unless they grew up to be the guy who abused the lady in the post office. In that case, I’m sorry for your trouble.